1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to
see if it's really dead. Get the Hell away from there!!!
2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke. Not
3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.
4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which
they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot
of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several
rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who
speak with somebody else's voice.
5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go alone.
6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would
apply to any other house of the dead as well.
8. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and
find out that it's not just the cat, GET THE HELL OUT!
9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for
short circuits; just GET THE HELL OUT!
10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.
11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good
reason for it. Don't stop and look around.
12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you
know what you're doing.
13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down
at least twice, more if you are female. Also note that, despite the
fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along,
it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic
behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes,
increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.
15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are
listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in
trouble if you recognize this one), anywhere in Texas where chainsaws
are sold, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go
to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think
that it is strange you ran out of gas because you thought you had
most of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway,
and most likely be eaten.
17. Beware of strangers bearing tools. For example: chainsaws, staple
guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawn mowers,
butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from
18. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the
time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that
had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in
some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic
19. Dress appropriately. When investigating a noise downstairs in an
old house, women should not wear a flimsy negligee or high heels. And
carry a flashlight, not a candle.
20. Do not mention the names of demons around open flames, as these
can flare suddenly. Be especially careful of fireplaces in this
21. Do not go looking for witches in the Maryland countryside.
22. If you start hearing eery music right after opening a door, close
it quitely, back up, and run like hell. This also goes for
announcer "voice overs" talking about the mysterious adventure of our
23. Beware of Pagan message boards! Who knows what might happen if
you hang around there long enough...not to mention the goats and
24. If things go bumpt in the night it's either someone having good
sex, or a monster (possibly both)
25. If the sign says "do not enter" it's probably for a good reason
(no it's not a challenge to show how brave you are)